Rare Confession #4

I really want to get married. I know...... what an odd way to open the conversation tonight. I just wanted to come right out and say it. 

I've always felt this way. I want a picture perfect wedding with white table clothes, red roses, lots of booze, and a delicious cake. All of the traditional trimmings and fixings. You don't grow up in the South and not have at least some idea of how you want your wedding day to go. It is not just girls, all guys in some small way want the wedding day to be a success. 

No one wants to be left at the altar.....

Most people are going to say you can have all of that. I don't think so anymore. 

I think it is my punishment in this life to come up short in the love department. Dramatic?

I want to have this sunny outlook on this aspect of my life, but I just cannot see it anymore. I was once thrust into a situation that I didn't quite understand. Then it was like a part of me deep within my soul got pulled out by another. I don't think one bad experience shapes a whole life. I do believe that we all have the ability to sense and assess our flaws. My flaw is that l actually believe that there is only one person who matches correctly with each person. 

Call me stupid. Call me naive, call me hopeless.......

Bare with for a moment. Imagine spending your whole life up until a point not seeking out anything. Not needing anyone. Not feeling like you belong. Not having any expectations about life in general. Then it happens, but you don't know why you are so caught up in this tornado. You can't stop needing this person, they make you feel like you belong. Then out of nowhere, they decide to leave you. They don't just up and vanish. You know why this person has gone AWOL, but it doesn't help. 

So imagine one day having all your own puzzle pieces, then they get mixed up with another set of pieces. You finish putting the puzzle together, you discard all of the excess pieces, then realize there is one big chunk of your puzzle missing. Just like in life you can't just replace it quickly, so you're left with this hole inside. You try to fill it with other pieces, but none quite fit. So, you get a new puzzle, but it's not the same. Then you realize you will just go without this missing piece..............