Rare Confession #3

I was actually a victim of bullying while growing up. It happened in elementary and middle school. 

In elementary, I think it was because I was so outgoing at such a young age. A boy twice my size would literally push me around all the time. He was a grade higher and had the admiration of all my peers. I'd walk down the hallway and get pushed from behind. I would get laughed at for coming to school well put together. Thanks mom, Thanks dad. My own freaking sister was the typical cliche because I wasn't allowed to run to her or be her brother during school hours. In her defense, no one else could ridicule me while she was around. Thanks, Sis!

It wasn't that bad really. At that age, it didn't affect me as much. I actually became sort of a bully myself one year. The saying "kids can be so cruel" comes to mind. The bully-ee became the bully-er. Please don't call the grammar police, I'm in enough trouble as it is. 

I remember the moment when my bully-ee actually fought back. I then realized that is what happened to my bully when I finally pushed back. So, I survived that point in my life only to be confronted with a person who is still a bit of a mystery to me.

In middle school, this kid came out of nowhere and then he was everywhere. He commented on the way I talked, walked, sat, ate, even how my eyes looked off into space. For a long time, I tried to ignore his relentless invasion upon my personal space. It was very annoying to always be the subject of conversation when I was in sight. 

Most of the time it was some big loud proclamation of how gay I seemed, how fat I was, or why I had a sunny disposition. Eventually, I learned to shrug it off. People around still laughed, then they soon grew tired of the bully-who-shall-not-be-named. Harry Potter was becoming big at that time!

What people didn't know is just how interested this guy was in my life. It took me a really long time to actually process all that happened back then but tell me if this sounds more like loathing or longing. 

I would stay after school a lot during those days. Not because no one was home, just because I lived really close. No rush needed. For some reason this guy would always be there, hounding me making jokes right up until it was just the two of us left on the front steps, in the library, or computer lab. Then his hate turned quickly to interrogation. It was always something along the lines of: 

"I bet you've kissed a guy right?"

"You like someone in class don't you?"

"Bet you like me, but I don't do that."

"You haven't even been with a girl right."

"Go ahead and try and put your hands on me, we'll fight."

"Guys sleep over at your house all the time because yall mess with each other." 

---I used the PG13 version of those comments....LOL

What a foul little shit he was..........

As a 13-14-year-old, I was like what?! I don't do any of that. You know the whole brain fart comebacks that only help you sink quicker into the sand. 

Not long after that, he would start coming up to me grabbing my chest while people weren't looking and pinching various parts of my body. When I tried to alert people to what he'd done no one ever saw the crime in question. What a sadistic little troll he was......

I got through another year and it was the middle of the summer before high school when I saw him again. Forgive me if the details are a bit fuzzy it was long ago, maybe it was 7th grade. The time doesn't really matter at this point. 

I was walking down a street, it was actually past his house. He spots me and runs to greet me. I was startled, to say the least. He asked how I was doing, where I was going and if I wanted to play some stupid game. His mom or sister pulled up and sort of inquired who I was which kind of made nervous look come across his face, but she didn't seem to care. I think he thought she approved of me. He then proceeded to ask me if I wanted to come over to hang out a few times this summer. I was shocked. He was genuinely trying to do stuff with me and not throw tomatoes at my imagined comedy standup show. 

"My Mom/Sister doesn't care if people sleep over, so you can if you want."

I probably had the biggest WTF face, but I didn't want him to see me sweat. I was kind of afraid of what might happen if I was left alone with him in his house without parental supervision. Heck, I was afraid of the parents that raised such a little-confused monster!

I said sure. He lit up like a Christmas tree and told me to come by tomorrow and to play video games. He gave me a dap and swaggered back off into the house. I continued on my way back home. 

Do you want to know what I did the next day? 

Well, I sure as heck didn't go and hang out with this kid. I couldn't understand then how someone could go from hate to .......whatever that was over the course of a month. I am not going to say he had some sick obsession with me. I am not going to point out his curiosity with seeing my lips touch other lips. I am not even going to bring up his numerous counts of sexual harassment. I can even overlook his need to be around me as much as he could at school, but what I cannot get past is his lack of bravery. 

Brave people don't use hate as a way to mask their own insecurities. If you don't know why you like a person it's perfectly okay to like them until you find out. Don't waste time spreading lies and rumors............

You know what scratch those last two sentences. Here's what I learned and what you should know. 

I'm awesome and I have been awesome since before I had hair on my chest, so deal with it closeted bullies of the world. 

To that guy, sorry I never came over after that day, but we could be friends now if you've actually changed. I sure have. 

Time for bed.....felt good to get that one off my chest.