Never Been Kissed

I was thinking about how some things have never happened for me in this life. Not like winning the lottery or meeting the president, those things aren’t really all that special in my opinion.

No offense Mr. President, I would love to meet you!

I mean the simple pleasures that others probably have taken for granted. Each year my friends ask me what would I like to do for my birthday. I always answer with an “I don’t know,” because having people around to share it with is gift enough. My family never really made a big deal about birthdays, and even forgot a few of mine while growing up.

Don’t cry for me, I only noticed the first time myself.

All rights to the makers of this wonderful movie including this photo credit! 

Those experiences taught me to enjoy the day to day, hour to hour because down the line may never come. Then I realized how much my life mirrored the late 90’s movie Never Been Kissed. I can only hope you remember and have seen this Drew Barrymore gem of our generation. If not let me enlighten you. Barrymore plays a woman who was never the most popular or glamorous while growing up. Later in life once her career has started she becomes a journalist and decides to go back to high school for a story on what being a teen really meant and means today. Along the way we learn how horrible and alone someone can feel when they do not have anyone. It is part of my must see trilogy for growing up including Mean Girls and Clueless. I love a troubled female protagonist.

So, I thought about how my own life hasn’t been quite that stellar in the people who love you department. I actually had wonderful high school and college experiences, but never a person to define a period in any of these times.

Wait, what exactly are you saying Danny?! You are in your late 20s and have never had a gf/bf/whateverF?

Yes, you would be correct in that assessment. I have never been in a relationship. However, if someone with mental instability would like to proclaim how they were romantically involved with me for years came forth today, I would not deny it. *insert laughter here*

What do I attribute to my lack of success in the love department? I really don’t know. I was honest from the start. I was attentive in the middle and longing toward the end. You would think that being honest and caring would be enough to jump start any relationship, but I think it scared off so many people. At the time, I wished I was able to explain that this is just who I am. This is the person I have been my entire life. Upfront and Genuine.

So, you mean to tell me you’ve never been in love?

I didn’t say I’ve never been in love. At least, I hope the feeling I felt once was love, because if it was some incurable disease that is going to suck at my next doctor’s appointment. The feeling I had long ago, well not that long ago, was like seeing everything and everyone in my life as a muted shade of gray, then I met them. I started to see life in a different tone. I started to see my own life in a variety of colors. Don’t get me wrong, it is not like I was unhappy before this point in my life, yet everything after seemed different. So naturally I wanted to understand and know if they saw sparks.

They didn’t. And my heart sunk.

I couldn’t understand it for a long time. I felt like there was a piece missing from yourself. Have you ever felt this way? No... Well trust me when I say that if someone had stolen a big enough part of your person you would know.

Now, every time I watch Barrymore walk down those steps in NBK hoping to go to prom with her dream date, I cringe at how real and unrealistic that image is to us all. I imagined myself married with my first kid by this age. Thanks southern upbringing. I always wanted the white picket fence and the big dog that you eventually have to put down because he’s too old and you love him enough to know when to say goodbye. I thought I’d be watching my son take his first steps across the hardwood floors I struggled to install because I wanted to save on labor….to save up for his college years. I thought I’d look through the windows while cutting the grass and see “the one” working tirelessly to cook tonight’s dinner and think of how lucky I am to have them. Those are dreams we impose upon ourselves. Those are dreams I imposed upon myself for a really long time. Today, I actually don’t know where I’ll end up. I don’t care who I end up with in this life. It may sound silly, but like Barrymore maybe it all starts with that first kiss. I say honestly and sort of sadly that I’ve actually never actually been kissed by anyone my entire life.

I know what a miserable existence.

Don’t feel sorry for me, I surely don’t feel sorry for myself. I know that one day I’ll be standing on home plate with the crowd cheering as my love runs out onto the field to give me that first very special moment.

Like me if you’ve never been kissed keep your head up and your heart open, because at any minute the other half of your whole may walk into your life with exactly what you need.

Feel free to keep loving and living. Until next time.